I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
