he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
