Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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