I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
