Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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