There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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