i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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