Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag