me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf