This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
another moral hangover. fuck.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud