I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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