They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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