nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
