Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
