you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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