There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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