So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
