I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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