Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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