haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
