I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
