weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
