If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
