I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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