i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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