If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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