How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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