I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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