if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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