...so i touched it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
