Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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