noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
