Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
