super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
