so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
