My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
