What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
