when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
