I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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