Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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