i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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