Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
