so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
