He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
