i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
