Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
