someone threw a dead crab at me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
