If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
