ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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