You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
