I want to stick my p in your. b.
babies were throwing up all over the place
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
