so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
