When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
