My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
