Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bring me that man meat
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
