Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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