margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
