She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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