What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
