yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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