I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
