They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
