We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
