We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do herpes really smell.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
