Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
