My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
