I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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