Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well you can't waste a boner
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
