Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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