I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
