His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
