I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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