My brain says no but my pants say off.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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