Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
