when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
