maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
