Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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