I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When are your genitals available?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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