I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
