It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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