508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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