who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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