I heard we made out
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
