Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
