Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
