omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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