just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
