I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
