Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
