1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
God, I missed his penis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
